I had also learned to trust that His provision through my husbands was always enough over the years and learned how to be unafraid of giving to others. I loved teaching on the tithe and the freedom of generosity. My husbands who were entrepreneurs and had their own businesses provided for all our family needs.
I knew how to give my provisions to church and those in need, and not to possess them just for myself. What I didn’t know, however, was God as provider. On my own, with no husbands around, and God’s invitation to “give it all back to Him in building a Blessing House” I was excited to see what that would be like. But what lay before me was a fraudulent builder who used up my resources leaving me with only walls and a construction zone.
Fear and guilt of using God’s resources in foolish ways – mishandling my son’s warnings about the builder, (thinking I knew better)created a gulf of failure before me. Did I not hear God right about the dreams of the Blessing House? Now what? How and why did this happen? What was I to do now with everything gone and nothing to show for all the work and labor and promises.
I see now that God was showing me what was missing. “Take your hands off this project. This house is mine!” I heard Him say. I had to give up ALL ownership to Him and trust Him as PROVIDER…..not just in His provision. I was to partner with the Holy Spirit in my development of a deeper trust that had endurance because I was confirmed in His love for me. He wouldn’t abandon me to myself. “GROW UP UNTO HIM IN ALL THINGS”
Evidently I had a theology that “if God was in it, it will be easy…” Forget that. It will be easy and hard according to His plan. This training in righteousness requires resistance and He is always up to something when things go wrong. From plans to chaos to the Blessing House built is not only my story….but a story for everyone who enters here. I must return all the time to the reality of God as Jehovah Jireh over the BH. He has been faithful through all of you who He inspires to provide for the multiple needs of his Home. Thank you for being there.